...in Switzerland. Apparently the Swiss have been searching for me since April 4, 2007, and after a worldwide manhunt, they're closing in on me.
It's scary. I've seen those guys who guard the Pope. If you added some white makeup and round red noses, you'd have clowns, and there's nothing scarier than clowns (not even animal-human hybrids).
Actually, the police and army in Switzerland may not dress like they do at the Vatican. I'm not sure, because I didn't see any police or military folks the whole time we were in the country. The Swiss are an orderly lot, and if one of them commits a crime, they make sure they inform the authorities in advance, who then issue an appointment time for them to turn themselves in.
In rare cases they may have a car chase, but they issue a permit first, and no one exceeds the speed limit. It's quite an efficient system, really--though, as anyone who watched the OJ car chase can testify, a medium-speed car chase doesn't make for gripping drama.
Since I don't speak German, my understanding of my crime is a little hazy. The gist of it seems to be that on April 24, 2007, I was operating my Personenwagen at 17:06 Uhr. The Ubertretungsort was the Tunnel Arisdorf, Bergspur. After a series of data points, they come to the bottom line:
Geschwindigkeitsuberschreitung: 6 km/hr.
Which I'm guessing means exceeding the speed limit by 6 km/hr, which is about 3.5 miles per hour. Since I go faster than 3.5 miles/hour when I walk, it seems like the kind of number that would be laughed off. Here in California, we're more approximate: "70 miles/hr" pretty much means any speed from 61 miles/hr to 79 miles/hr. We're easygoing; we have concepts like "kind of married." But I guess the Swiss are a bit more precise about such things.
Okay, busted. Mea effing culpa. And I will pay them their Euro 37.57...as soon as I can figure how to do it. (Their little form is in German, too.)
But pay it I will; I have no desire to serve time in Switzerland. I mean, if they dress the Swiss Guard like that, imagine how they dress Swiss Prisoners...