Tomorrowville: My Evil Twin

I can't live with myself...so I guess I'll have to move next door. It's one of the prices you pay for multiple-personality disorder.

Back in the day, they used to have a commercial for L&M, "A cigarette for the two of you." The two of me? (How did they know?)

But, it's official: there's now two of me. By day, I'm wealthy socialite playboy David Isaak, but when night falls and the Bat Signal shines in the skies above Gotham, I'm

D.G. Underhill

David Underhill. David G. Underhill.


<==========That weird-looking guy over there.

And what, you ask (or ought to ask, which is why I'm asking on your behalf) does the "G" represent?

At the risk of sounding like a Sue Grafton novel, "G" is for "Godot." David Godot Underhill. (Why "Godot"? Because I've been waiting forever for Tomorrowville to be published. The book takes place in 2088; I was beginning to wonder if it would see print before then.)

Other noms de plume (or do I mean les noms de plume de ma tante?) were attractive. David G. Montblanc was caroling its siren song (or do I mean sirening its carol song?), but that was too silly even for me. Slightly. And variations on David Isaak like Isaac Davidson (which topped Janet's list) were also appealing, but a cardinal rule of tradecraft is when possible to change your surname but keep your first name, so that you still answer, "Yes?" when people shout out your first name. (Those of an analytical frame of mind will object that I also would probably respond if someone shouted, "Isaac!" True. But it would make me feel as though I were in gym class.)

Though, come to think of it, when someone shouts out "David!", half the men in the room over the age of 40 turn around. Of course, it's even more extreme if you shout "Jennifer!"

I used to work closely with a gay couple who were both named David, which resulted in interoffice phone calls that ran, "Hi, David, this is David. Is David around?" They told me they had gone to dinner with friends once and ended up with a total of seven people at the table--all named David.

There has been a lot of talk lately about differences in how Clinton and Obama are going about courting the Hispanic vote. To heck with that. If either of them could capture the "Jennifer" vote and add in a majority of the "Davids", they'd ensure a landslide victory.

There was a moratorium on Davids beginning in the mid-1970s, along with a move to phase out lead in gasoline (is there a connection? Might be...), but the Davidophilia virus is infecting a new generation of parents (most of them named Jennifer or Jessica and Jason or Jacob--"Gen J"). In 2007 "David" was back up to number thirteen on the list of most popular baby names in the US. Already I'm hearing mothers at Starbucks shout, "David! You sit down and behave!" And, of course, I promptly do.

So, I'm sticking to "David". Though you can call me "DG" now, if you like.

…leave the name of Baggins behind you. The name will not be safe to have, outside the Shire or in the Wild. When you go, go as Mr. Underhill.

And so I shall.